He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
