i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
