He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
