Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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