She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
