Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
