When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
