apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
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There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
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I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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