Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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