I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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