Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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