when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Randomize
