All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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