kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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