My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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