I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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