Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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