Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
