We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i wish my penis had a tongue
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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