You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
