It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
