last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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