Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
