3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
