I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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