I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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