he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
They are going to name an STD after you.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
