those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.