there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
That's an oxymoron.
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I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
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Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.