It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize