I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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