mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
