sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
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