the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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