im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i think im in europe. pls send help
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
