After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
