Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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