My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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