Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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