Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
