I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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