So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
