just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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