I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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