Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
