If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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