I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
