I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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