Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
