you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
