Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
