I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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