All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She needs sedatives and a leash
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
