wrigley field is MILF paradise
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
