Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
