If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
