I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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