i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
