You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
