She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
