I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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