eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
