i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
as a side note pls kill me
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
