wat bout pragnant strippers??
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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