This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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