oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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