Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
