Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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