I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
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"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
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I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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