she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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