I want to walk on stilts...naked
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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