so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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