i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just threw up on my dentist
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
